A Day With The Turks
by KinkyEyepatchShit
Summary: OneShot!The following takes place between 4:00am and 4:00pm. Another crazy day with the turks. From waking up, to Elena's outbursts, and Reno getting death threats from his coworkers, can this day get any more insane? well...yeah it can. My first oneshot,


Disclaimer: I own nothing. The Turks, ShinRa, and everything else belongs to their brilliant creator.

I got this after watching the skit on Madtv where they went thru the twenty four hours or so of that Asian guy... (Bobby something) forgot his name. Sorry if it's lame. 24 is a pretty cool show tho. And I do not own it…in other words don't own the lil slogan.

No alarm clocks or beers were harmed in the making of this fic.

Takes place a bit after Sephy comes back in FFVII…haven't really figured out when exactly.

Forgive me for the thing that has been created. The bunny…the plot bunny…he BIT me…and the story won't go away. So here it is. My first oneshot. I thought this would be better to just write a oneshot since I can't seem to finish a multi chaptered fic of my own. (Sighs) Please read and review…flames will be used to light the potted plants on fire.

Here it is. SLAM CUT TO

_**Day with the Turks**_

-The following takes place between 4:00am and 4:05am-

The shrill alarm blares through the room, jolting the occupant of the bed from his slumber.

He groans and rolls over, practically punching the alarm off.

Sitting up, he runs a hand through his dark hair and swings his feet over the edge, feet touching the carpet.

-The following takes place between 4:15am and 4:40am-

Tsung sat at his kitchen table, sipping a steaming cup of coffee. He idly flipped through the morning paper.

Putting it down, the business section open, he pulls out his PHS and dials the number.

After two rings, the groggy, yet calm voice of the silent Turk Rude answered,

"Reno I swear to god, when I get my hands on you I'm going to get Elena to put make-up on you, ambush you with Nair bombs, tie you up and leave you hanging from the president's window," he hisses.

"And there will be pictures."

Tsung bites back a chuckle, "As much as I'd like to see that, we have work to do," he says.

A muffled gasp from the other end, "S-sir! My sincerest apologies!" Rude finally manages to choke out.

"No need. Anyway, I was just calling to inform you that the President needs us to come in at seven today," states the dark haired Turk, turning to the crossword page.

"I thought we had the day off?" asks the bald Turk.

"Apparently we're slacking off in our duties and as punishment, we have paperwork," replies Tsung.

'Damn little punk-ass kid.'

"Did the President call you to tell you?" asks Rude.

'Let's see. Movie staring K. Reeve. Six letters…'

"Why of course not," replies the raven haired man.

'Meaning you knew last night and didn't tell us,' thinks Rude sourly.

"I'll be there soon," says the Turk instead.

"Oh and Rude?"

A pause, "Yes sir?"

"Make sure Reno gets to work on time, and Elena doesn't kill him," the Wutain man frowns in annoyance, dark brows knit together, and eyes narrowed as he stared at the crossword.

"Yes sir."

They disconnect.

Eyes still on the paper, he reaches for his cup, fingers abruptly bump against the side, knocking it over as the hot steaming liquid spills all over the table, and the prized crossword.

"Damn," mutters Tsung, standing to wipe the stray drops off his clothes.

(A/N I know the crossword was lame. The word was Matrix. The movie. You know.)

-The following takes place between 5:00am and 5:20am-

The large muscled Turk walks up the steps and knocks raptly on the door.

He waits a moment, straightening his tie and making sure the dark sunglasses were firmly in place.

After a few moments the door opens, with a very annoyed and sleepy Elena on the other side, dressed in wrinkled chocobo pj's, blond hair sticking up wildly, "What is it?"

Snapping out of his slightly gawking state, he clears his throat, "We have to go to work."

Elena yawns widely and crosses her arms over her chest, "I thought we had the day off."

Rude nods, "So did I. It appears that the President needs us."

That was complete lie, but the bald Turk did not want to suffer the wrath of his blond companion this early in the morning. He might as well save Reno some pain today.

She groans softly and steps aside, "Well come on in."

Rude strides past her into the living room as Elena rushes off towards the bathroom.

"Elena."

She stops, blinking in confusion, "Eh?"

He stands beside her couch, keeping a good distance away from her black, green eyed cat, Mr. Mittens, "Did you get a new coffee maker?"

The blond nods, "Yeah, it's in the kitchen. Just don't tell Reno that the next time he's here," and with a rustle of her chocobo pj's, she was off.

-The following takes place between 6:00am and 7:00am-

"You've never been inside Reno's…..apartment, have you?" asks Rude as he and Elena stand by at the redhead's door, after knocking for the past ten minutes.

Rude sighs, almost inaudibly,, and fishes out his tools from his jacket pocket.

A hair pin and a credit card….

"You're going to break in? With that?" asks Elena skeptically.

The bald man says nothing as he sticks the pin in the lock and jiggles it around.

A moment later, he hears the telltale click and gently pushes open the door.

"Oh, well then," mutters Elena.

"All Turks need to know these things," states Rude as he cautiously creeps inside, being careful not to step on the piles of pizza boxes, take out and clothes.

It was when they weeded their way past the lumpy couch when Elena grabbed onto his arm.

Rude turns and stares at her questionably.

The blond stares back with wide eyes, "I think I saw something move!" she hisses in a tight whisper.

The bald man glances around, "Believe it or not, it's possible," he replies.

"You stay here, I'll go get him," he moves off towards the bedroom door, but Elena pulls him back, "Don't leave me here!! What if there's something alive out there!?" she exclaims, nervously shuffling closer to the man.

Rude ignores her and goes into the bedroom, the door swinging open with a loud squeak, revealing the disaster of a room inside.

What was really the disaster of this pitiful sight, was the flame haired occupant of the bed.

Sprawled out on his back, one arm draped across his stomach, the other hanging lazily off the side of the bed, blanket sloppily covering his waist was the infamous Reno, second in command of the Turks. Hard to believe he's all that isn't it?

"Reno wake up, we have to work today," says Rude, walking over to the side of the bed and shaking the redhead by the shoulders.

Reno was completely unresponsive.

Rude shakes his head in contempt, "Fire! There's a Fire in here!" he says louder.

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Elena was having some problems of her own.

She had seen a shadow move in the kitchen.

Shuffling closer to the door, gray eyes shifting nervously around the filth to find whatever horror was there.

Then she hears something.

A light, scratching sound, from the kitchen counter.

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At least twenty minutes later, Rude stood beside Reno's bed, running a hand over his shiny bald head.

He had tried everything, and the redhead was still fast asleep, dead to the world.

Then, like a speeding train, it hit him: The idea that would work no matter what.

He leans down until his mouth was right above Reno's ear, takes a deep breath and,

"Look over there, two hot women are making out with each other!"

Two blue/green eyes snap open as he sits up, "Lesbians!? WHERE! Where are they!?" Reno sputters, glancing around.

He spots Rude and frowns in disappointment, "Rude you asshole, there are no lesbians. What the hell do you want?"

"We have work today," replies the bald man, standing with his hands clasped in front of him.

The redhead groans, "That damn little pussie, gonna make us work on our day off," he mutters bitterly.

"Get up, get dressed and hurry, I don't want to be stuck in this…place longer than I have to," instructs Rude, walking back to the disaster zone, I mean Reno's living room.

0000000000000000000

He rolled his eyes when he saw Elena.

She was backed up against the door, breathing heavily, eyes shifting between the kitchen and the couch.

"Elena."

The blond stress over t him, a blush flushing her cheeks as she tries to save some of her dignity.

- The following takes place between 8:00am and 9:00am-

"Those are the rules on the new machines," says Palmer, leaning forward in his chair, reaching for a dohnut. (A/N I cannot spell. I am so sorry)

Scarlet shoots him a glare, pulling the box of powdered dohnuts her way.

Elena was asleep, head cradled on her arm, a thin sting of drool hanging from the corner of her mouth.

It was hard to tell if Rude was asleep or not. He sat upright in his chair, notes open on the table before him.

Beside him was Reno, who had gotten so bored that he fastened silver paperclips to a rubber band and began to shoot them at the occupants of the bore-fest…I mean meeting. Silver paperclips and colored rubber bands lay scattered across the room, some in the dohnut box, others in the potted plants, and a few in the hair of Reeve, who had nodded off some time ago, unbeknownst to the others, though they'd probably could care less.

Rufus sat at the head of the long table, chin resting in his palm, not bothering to look the least bit interested, his blue eyes half closed in sleep and boredom.

Heidegger (A/N again spelling. So sorry, this is what was in my compy's dictionary) stood up and started rambling on about the weapons.

Tsung groaned internally and lifts his coffee mug to his lips, but pauses when he spots movement other than the liquid in it.

Calmly setting it down, he takes his pen, dipping it into the cup. He slowly lifts out a dripping silver paper clip, fixing a glare at a chuckling Reno. He flicks it back at the redhead swiftly.

The paper clip flies through the air, hitting Rufus in the forehead instead.

The blond blinks, totally snapped out of his daze.

Tsung stares at him, an expressionless look on his face, "Sir?"

Rufus shakes his head and glances at Reno, who was having a hard time keeping back his burst of laughter.

-The following takes place between 12:00pm and 1:00pm-

Tsung sat at his desk, finishing up his paperwork, when an earsplitting shriek hit the air, sending shivers down even the strongest employees back.

"RENO! I AM GOING TO KILL YOU!!"

His door burst open, a red faced Elena standing in the doorway, covered in potato salad, pudding and cream cheese. On top of her head was a banana peel, drooping sadly over her forehead.

"Sir have you,"

"No, I'm sorry Elena, I have no idea where he is," interrupts Tsung.

The blond growls and turns towards the hall.

"Oh, Elena?"

She turns back, "Yes sir?"

The raven haired Turk coughs, "You seem to have a banana peel on your head."

The blond turns a bright pink and removes the peel, throwing it in the waste bin.

Turning, she shuffles out of the office, pulling the door shut behind her.

The weary leader of the Turks sighs, "Reno, you can come out now, she's gone."

A loud bang emits from the vent above, "Uh…Que?" says a muffled voice.

"I know it's you. Now get down before I tell Elena you're in here and let her give you your punishment," snaps Tsung.

More banging, and after a moment, a groan, "I would if I could boss-man," replies Reno.

Tsung slaps a hand against his forehead and picks up the phone, "Yes, I need the janitor in here, and a ladder. Reno's stuck again."

-The following takes place between 2:00pm and 3:00pm-

Tsung was in his office once again, a stack of finished papers on his desk, a crossword in his lap. He taps the pen against his chin as he frowns in thought.

Suddenly, the sounds of a fight reach his ears, and a muffled cry.

He places the paper on his desk and leaves his office, his mind set on seeing what the ruckus was.

He reaches Rude's office, where the sounds of a struggle were coming from, and opens the door, ducking as a shoe goes flying past his head, barely missing him.

Rude had pinned Reno on the desk, fingers wrapped around the man's thin neck, choking the air from his lungs.

Reno was kicking the other mans legs, trying to get him off.

"What's going on in here?" asks Tsung sternly.

Both Turks stop trying to murder each other and separate.

The raven haired Turk raises' an eyebrow when he notices the reasoning behind the fight.

Rude's dark glasses were where they always were, settled over his eyes. The new thing was the squiggles of silver sharpie across the lenses, over the man's head in straight lines, and across his cheeks.

Tsung clears his throat and glances between the two men,

"Take your childish banter somewhere else; some are trying to work, which is exactly what you two should be doing. See to it that you do," he states solemnly, turning on his heel and leaving.

Reno glances at Rude and gives the finger to Tsung's retreating back.

"I saw that."

-The following takes place between 3:00pm and 4:00pm-

There was a knock at his door.

Standing, praying to whatever god that was listening that what was to happen next didn't involve him, he opens the door.

His gaze passes between his three Turks.

Reno smirks, lazily leaning against the door frame, hands in his pockets,

"We're going out for a drink. Wanna come with?"

The raven haired Turk glances back over his shoulder at the new stack of papers, then back at them, "Oh, what the hell. The President already went home anyway."

With that he grabs his coat, turns off the light and shuts the door behind him.

"So Lena, you finally gonna score tonight?" asks Reno as they walk down the hall, making their way to the designated driver: Rude

"Unlike you, I don't whore around," retorts the blond.

"At least I can get some. Not even a drunk trucker who hasn't had any in six months wouldn't be attracted to those mosquito lumps of yours," replies the redhead cheekily.

Tsung shakes his head as he watches the fight start, the insults being tossed, and Elena's face flushing in embarrassment.

'Even though they may be idiots, I'd never replace them.'

Elena smacks Reno in the arm, and then begins to strangle him,

"What is this, 'Strangle Reno' day?" gasps the redhead.

'Well. Maybe if certain members were a bit more mature, they wouldn't make me feel so old.'

The End.

I have no idea if any of the names were spelled right. I know it's long, but it is the first thing i have finished. So go me! I really hope someone finds this enjoyable. I know I sure did. Again, no flames please, Don't like it don't read it. Uhm…Read and review…im sure the bunny will bite me again soon; maybe this one will be better. Laters!

HotIceRed


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